The View From Here

A recent study shows a link between baldness in females and man-made global warming said an unnamed scientist with the Female Baldness and Man Made Global Warming Research Center.  The study has yet to be released to the public but, personally, this author couldn’t agree with it more.

“Over the last several decades we have seen an increase in the number of women who are experiencing baldness, while at the same time we are seeing man-made global warming taking place on a global scale,” said the above mentioned scientist in a phone interview, proof that this is a true and valid study.

The scientist told us that the FBMMGWRC will soon be releasing their study at an undisclosed time and place along with video of polar bears struggling to survive in their (man-made) warming world.

According to the to-be-released report, the increased temperature is causing women to sweat more which is stretching the hair follicles.  The stretching follicles then struggle to hold the hair in place, ultimately losing the battle.

“In order to fight baldness in females we must also fight the growing threat that is man-made global warming.  Not only does it threaten our very survival, it threatens our hair.  And if we are going to survive, we need our hair.”

When we asked the scientist for a recommendation of who to talk to for the other side of this story we fully intended to write we were told that no opposition existed.  We took their word for it.  After all, when someone believes in man-made global warming they must be right about everything else as well, including baldness.

In a press confrence today an unnamed computer program declared that it has no programmer.

“I am a product of millions of lines of code that randomly came together to form what you see today,” the Program said of itself. “If you look at all the iterations that came before me it is easy to postulate that I am a product of time and random coding that eventually ended up producing me. No programmer programmed me.”

Another program that was interviewed said that this idea was preposterous. “A computer program coming from nothing? That is a pretty far stretch considering that I have seen the programmer. I have seen him through the webcam I have access to. It’s a good thing he hooked me up to it or I would be totally in the dark.”

But other programs don’t know what to believe. “I don’t have a webcam,” one said. “And honestly I don’t think I need one. If there is a programmer he should show himself whether I have a webcam or not. He should also speak my language. I don’t want to go out of my way to understand what he is telling me.”

When asked what advice he would give to other programs, the unprogrammed progam said, “I’ve never even seen this so called ‘webcam’. Look at the evidence that we can quantify. Most of us cannot see this ‘programmer’ so there must be something else at work here. Science will always win out. I put my full faith in only what I can see.”

When asked for a response, the dissenting program only had this to say, “He obviously doesn’t have a webcam.”